I’m so conflicted about this issue and I debated writing about it since it seems to provoke strong feelings on either side of the debate, but it’s been bothering me and I usually work out things through writing.
Last week, we were looking at a picture of Squeaker with her plump baby arm stretched in the air and I made a joke about how gordita she was. My husband countered that she was not plump at all, not like other babies, but rather long (or he calls her tall even though she can’t stand). In fact, he stated, he thought it didn’t seem like she was much heavier than when we arrived in Chile a month ago.
We decided to weigh her in a very scientific manner (weigh myself, then weigh myself with baby). According to our dinky bathroom scale, she hadn’t put on any weight. That and her recent aversion to sleeping at night had us concerned that something was wrong.
Fortunately, we were able to get her in to the pediatrician’s the next day. The doctor said that actually she had gained .32 kilos, and while little, was not enough to be worrisome…yet.
We tried to explain that she cries and fusses for sometimes up to an hour before finally latching and feeding only to pull herself off or fall asleep. Beyond that, she doesn’t show signs of colic or reflux.
He didn’t listen long before jumping in. It took me a while to assimilate what he was saying, but we left with a prescription to feed her for five minutes on each side and then give her formula and his professional observation that I must be having a “supply issue”.
But that doesn’t seem right, I thought. No supply issues here. Trust me. And how would Squeaker even know the well was dry before checking, shall we say?
We bought the formula, a new bottle, and sat down to try and feed her. You would have thought we were trying to waterboard her, not give her professionally formulated baby formula so she could gain weight. It was a Chernobyl-grade meltdown. She screamed until she turned purple and we gave up. Maybe they should force-feed baby formula to terrorist suspects to get them to confess.
The doctor’s admonishment has brought up a lot issues for me. In the beginning, I didn’t want to breastfeed. Not at all. Actually, we argued about it, with my husband joining the ranks of the militant “breast is best” feminists and me saying that I was worried for medical reasons. After talking to several doctors and lactation consultants, I hesitantly decided to give it a go.
In the beginning, I hated it. But Squeaker loved it. She wanted boobies all day long (that’s part of where her nickname comes to play). After about four weeks, it got better, but I was still ambivalent. When she was six weeks old, I got the flu with bronchitis. I was really sick, like fever, raspy voice, hacking cough that made me double over sick. Squeaker got nothing. She was healthy throughout my two weeks of misery.
I started to change my mind.
On our trip to Chile, it was nice to not have to pack bottles, water, and formula. That was one less thing to worry about as I steered Squeaker’s caravan of crap through three airports in three different countries. I even ditched the nursing cover on the plane because no one was near us and I didn’t care at that point anyway.
In the first few weeks of being back in Chile, Squeaker was fussier than normal. I attributed it to the heat. That’s a major change. She went from frigid winter in Minnesota to scorching summer in Santiago. She went from never being outside, to spending a good chunk of the morning or early evening outside. She also met a host of new family and friends and her fragile schedule (that was hard to maintain period) was thrown out the window. If it was stressful on me, I can only imagine how her little baby brain was interpreting the major life change.
Now, I’m conflicted again. One the one hand, I have evidence of the powers of breastfeeding. On the other hand, I want her to be healthy and gain weight. On Friday, after we got back from the doctor, I cried a little. This is one of those things that a woman should be able to do, she should be able to feed her child, but somehow I’m failing her–or at least that’s how I feel.
Fortunately, I belong to a great group of expat women and got some recommendations for a lactation consultant. She’s coming out this afternoon and if this doesn’t do it, I want to take her to a different doctor and see if something is bothering her. It annoys me that he barely checked her before he decided I was the problem.
Ugh.
It’s hard to describe the panic and sadness I feel about this. I know that if I have to supplement her with formula, she’ll just have to get used to it. But, dare I say, I’m turning into a bit of a “lactivist” myself?
Wish us luck.
As you already know…I don’t have a baby. I am also not a professional. But I think I would listen to the lactation consultant, first because doctors are notorious for not understanding barely ANYTHING about breastfeeding. That’s all I know!
You’re doing great!
Don’t know much about babies, but I think you can start giving her thinned out cereal (nightly) at this point. Ask somebody who knows for sure. Don’t be so hard on yourself. For a variety of reasons, not every child gets breastfed; yet the world still rolls on.
Yes, be gentle to yourself.
But, the difference between breastmilk and formula are vast. They are not equal. And 99% of women and babies can nurse successfully. If you find the right help, you’ll be able to avoid giving artificial milk. It’s up to you how important it is to exclusively breastfeed. Once you decide, let me know if you’d like more support. I can offer you resources if needed.
To jump to formula so quickly is such a shame. There are two people in your nursing relationship, right?
You and your baby girl.
You are responsible for being a good milk maker.
She is responsible for being a good milk taker.
When weight gain slows, one or both of you are slacking on the job. (Not intentionally of course). If you feel you’re a good milk maker, and that you have no supply problems, then maybe she is struggling with milk taking. Definitely see the lactation consultant and don’t give up. Have her assess your daughter to make sure she isn’t tongue tied at all (there is an easy fix for this), and make sure you are pumping as much as you are feeding in formula, or your supply will be compromised.
Hang in there!
As a mother who breast fed her baby girl for 15 months, we’ve had every issue on the planet. I think of it like waves on a beach – there’s an ebb and flow. Sometimes it’s super easy and other times it’s really tough! You’ll do what you think is best and it will be the best because you love your baby girl. One thing that helped tremendously with us was a nipple shield. Seriously, it was a life saver. My daughter was the same way, would fuss and not latch on and it was NOT a supply problem. Check out this link – maybe it will help!
http://www.medelabreastfeedingus.com/tips-and-solutions/112/nipple-shields
Good luck! You baby girl is beautiful!
Being a grandmother I can tell you I’ve lived through the societal changes in regards to breast feeding and this is my take… You are not a bad mother if it doesn’t work out. If you had won the argument before she was born and she had been on formula all this time she might be having the same problem. Sometimes it’s finding whatever it takes to insure the child is getting nourishment, and nourishment that keeps her strong and healthy. It makes no difference whether it comes from you or a bottle as long as she takes it and thrives.
Don’t beat yourself up!
b
Hang in there! Maybe she’s adjusting to the change in diet from American food to Chilean food. However, sounds to me if she didn’t like the bottle either then it’s not you, it’s her. Definitely talk with the lactation consultant and get a second opinion from a doctor if you are that concerned. PARENTS, not doctors, know what’s best for their children. I say that, and I’ a nurse!
P.S. Have her poops changed?
No, no changes. It’s weird, but nothing has happened that would indicate a problem (like allergies) besides the weight and fussiness.
I agree with what has been said above, especially the ebb and flow. It is best if you can breast feed, but try not to let it bother you too much if you can’t.
My second daughter started biting at 6mths, no fussing, just chomp. It broke my heart but I had to stop feeding her by breast, cold turkey. It was hard for both of us, but we both survived.
You will be fine, and everything you are feeling is natural, you are allowed a little cry. Listen to advice from everyone, then do what feels right.
I don’t really like that your doctor suggested you were the problem- it sounded a little harsh. I would’ve probably cried lol. Harper stopped gaining weight at some point, but she’s always been in the 10% of her age group and the doctor said that as long as she progresses even if it’s just a little, that’s good. She’s been at 18lbs for the last 3-4 months and she’s eating solid foods! I just think sometimes baby’s metabolism changes? Let us know what the lactation consultant says- I’m glad you were able to find one!
We switched to formula after 3 weeks and never looked back.
Danica
A lactation consultant saved me from misery with my second baby – yes, second, after I thought I knew all there was to know. I really hope that she is able to give you the support you need! Keep us posted!
Take care, Olivia
Sorry I’m reading all the posts backwards (I went on a little emotional blogging sebatical). One – I’m glad you’re writing about this because I think if it helps you process what you’re doing then it’s totally worth it! two – has your diet changed since being in chile? spicier food? more meat? that is my only suggestion as a non-parent
Good luck!