For those readers who still check to see if I’m going to suddenly post something, today is your day. Thanks for sticking with me. I’ve been on an impromptu hiatus since traveling to Minnesota and having THEBESTTIMEEVER. Seriously, we’ve talked about it and we’ve said that it would have been better if maybe it would have been a leeetle bad because it was too much fun. Too much. I didn’t want to leave. My husband’s flight left before mine and he told me he half expected me to not board the grueling red-eye with Squeaker. But I did. And the first few days, and weeks, I wished I hadn’t.
There was a time when I loved the socks off of Chile. It was probably after the semester I studied in Concepcion and moved to Santiago to teach English and basically just be a free spirit. I had no responsibilities besides a handful of classes I hardly took seriously. I partied a lot. I went out with friends almost everyday and probably went to work hung over at least half the time. Uh, hi Mom?Life. Was. Good.
But one cannot feed oneself on a few classes in a city that is as surprisingly expensive as Santiago is. So sh*t got real, real fast. And, needless to say, I started falling out of love with Santiago. But, I still tolerated it. I made excuses for the quirks and idiosyncrasies that chased some of my other expat friends away. I cracked self-deprecating jokes to lessen the blows of cultural shock. I kept this blog as a form of therapy.
Then I became a mom to arguably the most intelligent and adorable baby the world has ever seen or ever will see. And things changed. I began to yearn for my life, my culture, my food, my traditions, my family, my language…
And then I went home and everything was as I expected it to be, but better and I just couldn’t process coming back. It’s like my brain was a computer and crossing back into Chile was the Y2K bug. I just shut down. I sat on the floor and looked at my apartment with the still packed suitcases filled with treasures from the US and cried until the tears wouldn’t come anymore. And then I stopped blogging, because there isn’t a funny way to say, “I’m having a profound existential crisis, y’all.”
And things didn’t seem to pick up from there. I’ve been on five interviews for jobs that I would be qualified for anywhere else, but here because I’m a woman, or a mom, or married, or a speaker of Spanish as a second language, or too educated, I’ve been passed up–and not always kindly. I finally did take a part-time job. The only reason I took it is because the owner smiled at me and told me she was a mom, too. And it’s a good job. The pay is good. The team is supportive and friendly. I really
can’t shouldn’t ask for more, but I do. I so do.
And, that’s been my funk. My delicious, all-absorbing funk that I’ve been in for two months.
I’ve slowly felt myself returning to normal, but getting back into the groove of the thinly organized chaos that is Santiago has been difficult. But, I’m putting the smelling salts away and rejoining the world (the internet world?).
So here’s what I’ve been up to:
Then, we got back and it was still gray and still cold.
So, how have you been, world?