Tag Archives: toxic friends

The Time Marker

Human beings have an issue with time. We cannot simply let it be. We are always filling it up with stuff – marking it, so to speak – to make it simpler to find a specific moment in the card catalog of our brains for future reference. I might file this moment under: morning, coffee, lack of sleep, and blogging, just to give you an idea.

People do this constantly, except most situations are more exciting than my lazy Sunday morning blogging. Common time markers are weddings, births, deaths, the purchase of a large item, a vacation, a new job, the first months or years of a child’s life, the beginning of a new diet, the list is infinite.

For me, the biggest time marker of my life has been my brain surgery. There was a time when I even realized that my surgery was a personal D-day to me. There were events put into motion on that day that would irreversibly and irrevocably change my life forever. I even started to look at it in terms of historical or scientific dates on a calendar characterized by the BC or AD we all learned in grade school. My personal calendar looked somewhat different and consisted of Before Surgery and After Surgery:

BS —————————————–S—————————————–AS

That system for recollection made me laugh. I have the mentality of a 13 year-old boy sometimes, so yes, BS is HIGHlarious, except that it’s also significant. Yes, significant in the traditional sense of the abbreviation: BS.

There was so much in my life that was messed up Before Surgery: priorities, toxic people in my life, relationships that needed to change or end, goals, my self-confidence, how I looked at the passing of time as a right not a gift. It’s like what the fortune-teller in Baltimore told me before she banished my friend from the room: I was going through a personal renaissance, I was going to lose toxic friends, and my relationship was undergoing a painful change that would ultimately make it better. I scoffed. It was probably the first time after such a reading (note: such readings are probably a once a year phenomenon), that I really felt she had misread the cards. Literally. My friends and my relationship were fine! I reassured myself.

As it turns out, the woman whose Romanian accent is still dubious, was right about everything. And it was a seemingly endless transformation! Until one day it just wasn’t anymore, that is.

I realized last week as I was relating a story to a friend that I could have inserted the time marker “You know, before my surgery…” but I refrained. I recognized the gap in the conversation where it wouldn’t have even been awkward to place it, but I didn’t. Surprisingly, this didn’t bother me. In the past, it may have made me anxious to fill her in on the details, lest she think I’ve been sitting around watching bad TV for the past year and a half, but this time it didn’t. The realization was gripping and, yet, oddly peaceful at the same time.

I know that you, as my blog audience, are privy to thoughts that I don’t always share with others, so because of that the moment may not seem that momentous, but it was. It really was.

I logged into a web countdown website and found out that it took me exactly this long, to come to this resolution (the site marked CST with Dallas):

Time since Tuesday, 6 July 2010, 06:00:00 (Dallas time)

565 days
13562 hours
813747 minutes
48824822 seconds

Alternative version

It is 565 days, 2 hours, 27 minutes, 2 seconds
since Tuesday, 6 July 2010, 06:00:00 (Dallas time)

Current time is

Sunday, 22 January 2012, 07:27:02 CST (local time in Dallas)

48,824,822 seconds. Now, that’s the time marker.

Pssst! Hey, you may have noticed that I have a new header. It was thanks to Cialina from Paper Wings Design Studio who I found on my friend Amanda’s blog. Thank you Cialina for putting up with my weird requests and thanks Amanda for the tip!